A truly nasty and effective way to deal with a client who showed themselves to be a time waster
Hey, it’s getting late here. Finishing up this newsletter is my current task to knock my own Laundry List down to size.
So let’s wind up with a cool little Bidniz Lesson that -- cue up the theme music -- is both astonishingly simple, yet complex.
Here it is: People are wacky.
That’s it. That’s the lesson. People are wacky. You may not have noticed before. This simple realization, however, has profound repercussions for your business life.
You know the old joke about the firefighter jumping into the freezing river to save a kid who fell in? He’s sitting back on the shore afterwards, shivering inside a blanket, when the mother of the child walks up. She asks him, “Are you the fireman who jumped into the icy river, grabbed little Seymour, and brought him back?”
“Yes, ma’am, I am.”
“Well,” she continues, looking pissed off.
“Where are his mittens?”
Now, that’s a funny joke... but it illustrates a much deeper lesson about human behavior. For example... is there any question in your mind that this scene could have actually happened? Of course it could have.
Because people are wacky. If you go through life -- and especially if you go through your business life -- not understanding this fact, you will hemorrhage time, money and energy.
Look -- people, basically, are your stock and trade, no matter what your business is. And in most markets, the 80/20 rule is in effect: 80% of your problems will be caused by 20% of your customers... who are either insane, criminally stupid, or time wasters. (This is just an estimation, of course. In my line, it’s more like 90% of the problems are caused by 10% of the customers.) The actual percentages are unimportant.
What is important is the realization that the root of your discontent may be much more centralized than you think.
The damage may be more extensive than you can chart, too. I advise marketers to NEVER look at any of the “white mail” that comes in – which includes all refunds, complaints and dumb meanderings. Any incoming correspondence that doesn’t contain an order. Most of these marketersignore my advice -- and often waste hours responding to a refund or complaint.
I try to have Diane, my assistant, intercept as much of the time-wasting stuff as possible... but some sneaks through. And it is ALWAYS tempting to get deeply involved.
Last month, some bozo wanted a refund on something... and send a long letter explaining what he felt was wrong with my material. He claimed he was a 20-year veteran of advertising, knew it all (he didn’t), considered my teachings too “under-stimulating” for him, yada yada yada.
There was no purpose served by me reading that letter... and, worse, as a result of reading it, I was in a bit of a lather for the rest of the day.
Time wasters get you twice -- the time you spend reading their drivel is wasted, and the time you spend stewing about it is wasted, too. You aren’t writing new ads, you aren’t finding new customers, you aren’t performing Operation Moneysuck. Instead, you’re thinking up clever retorts, or (worse) actually writing a reply letter.
The advice I give myself and clients: Just let it go. If anyone is causing you grief, or cheating you, sic the attorneys on him and let them do their job. Don’t waste a second threatening anyone, or cajoling anyone, or begging anyone to do the right thing. They won’t. Time wasters LOVE it when you get involved with them.
That’s how they win -- they engage you in a vicious little dance where nothing gets done, but they get to see your bile rise. Your flustered rage is a turn-on to them.
You win by denying them that dance. Gary Halbert, long ago, showed me a truly nasty and effective way to deal with a client who showed themselves to be a time waster. It’s brilliant, and super-effective.
Here’s the set-up: We had written a killer ad for this guy. Any savvy marketer would have mailed it right away and started making money with it. Not this guy. No. He wanted to talk on the phone, endlessly discussing details and dreams and irrelevant ideas. Questioning everything, and acting onnothing.
He insisted we “owed” him this treat (he loved to talk on the phone and avoid letting the curtain rise on any project) because he had paid our fee. So Gary sent him his money back.
“We’re not going to work with you,” he said, simply. “Here’s your fee back. Don’t call again.” The guy was floored. This had never happened to him before.
He assumed he held a “power” over us by paying that fee, and he felt entitled to waste our time. Entitled.
He had obviously done this before. Imagine what a poor plumber has to endure with this freak -- who feels entitled to just talk and talk, and actually prevent anything useful happening. I dunno -- maybe there are plumbers out there who don’t care if a guy wants to pay their fee and never let anything get done.
That’s not the way I work. When I write an ad, I know that’s only half the game. The rest is in the mailing or publishing of that ad, gathering sales, and counting the money.
I don’t wanna discuss it. I wanna mail it.
Anyway, it was not only deeply satisfying to pull the rug out from under this jerk -- who could not believe we were actually shutting him down -- but it was also very profitable.
How so? Easy. By shuttling this guy out of our lives, we opened up a spot for someone else. Someone who knew the game, and wouldn’t sit on a killer ad.
So keep track of the time you spend dealing with your customers after the sale. If anyone’s name is constantly showing up... or if you get even a single long, rambling letter trying to get your dander up... or if your staff has multiple conversations that include someone’s name and the word “trouble” too often in the same sentence... think seriously about jettisoning that person from your life. Even if you have to send his money back.
Consider it money well spent. Time wasters eat up profit and your will to live. Screw ‘em. You have better things to do.
John Carlton, http://www.marketingrebelrant.com/
Further reading on this subject
| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
| 
